The Creamy Kind
by Spencer Allen

Description:
Arachibutyrophobia: an intense phobia of peanut butter.

There are two things that Ted has always remembered about Dilbert. The first is how much Dilbert liked peanut butter--the thick, oily stuff, eaten straight out of the jar. The second is how he bullied him, forcing Ted to gag down the nutty spread as the other boys laughed and jeered. Ted learned to ignore the taste and fight the madness as the peanut butter coated the roof of his mouth, refusing to work loose no matter how hard he scraped with his tongue or his fingernails. Or a screwdriver. And, after all, he got Dilbert back, didn't he?

But now there's peanut butter everywhere, spilling out of his mailbox, lumps of it defacing the concrete cherubs in their flower garden, clumps of brown floating in the milk in the refrigerator. Even the water from the kitchen faucets is filthy brown. It's Dilbert's revenge. Can Ted overcome his suppressed childhood memories? Or will he die, smothered by The Creamy Kind?